29 August, 2012

| the memory |

Slowly I shifted into awareness; that precipice between slumber and wakefulness.
Surroundings unfamiliar, I was content to simply .be.
The morning light gently cascaded into the room, bathing every object in its ethereal glow.
With a rare moment of peace, my mind was blissfully still.
That is when it happened.
The moment. The memory.

This wasn't a tranquil, lucid dip into the past either...
Oh no.
This memory was stealth - A moment in time, eight years ago (almost to the day)
A morning, much like the present. A morning, that I had not given thought to in nearly eight years.
Like a predator hunting its prey, this memory has patiently bided its time
lurking the alleyways of the wrong reality  
quietly pacing the neuro-pathways of my subconscious

I do not know why it chose this morning to strike: All I know, is that I was caught unaware.
Blindsided, my mind was ambushed
The Memory.
Frozen by this snapshot in time; an image so real that I could recount even the smallest detail...
...like the how the avocado was perfectly ripe, that morning.

28 August, 2012

| a girl named hope |

        It is curious, how things always manage to come to me when I need them | it most.
Never when I want. Only when there is a true .need.
I could list countless examples, each with a varying degree of importance.
Now is not that time, however.
Now, it is hope that I am most concerned with.
The cruelest of mistresses; an elegant, cold-hearted whore {hope is}
I could even go so far as to say, that I hate hope.
Nothing good .ever. comes of hope, in my opinion.
To hope, is to segue into disappointment.
or maybe that is simply my life
But I digress
I was having this very conversation with someone yesterday -
        We had a definite difference of opinion of what it was to 'hope'
The conclusion of that exchange brought about a slight admission of hope on my part (though against my better judgement)
I am human, after all.

Today in class, out of nowhere, the professor stated
"...you wouldn't wait, if you didn't hope..."
He had no idea, how much I needed to hear those .words.

Maybe it wasn't completely 'out of nowhere' ... I was running on about four hours of sleep, and would be lying if I claimed total and complete, coherent attention. On the other hand, I have no idea how hope could | would contextually make sense in any Spanish 103 lecture.

Here I am:
............. hoping
Maybe this time will be different.
            Maybe, just maybe, hope will not immediately  =  disappointment.
Or, maybe it will.
I suppose that is the risk one accepts, in following their heart instead of their head.

18 August, 2012


photo by. jaiden
30 | 30
create & tend my own garden

I'm not entirely sure, as to why I chose that as a 30 | 30 goal. I don't even particularly like gardening...
Maybe it is because our yard needed / needs it?

I do not have a 'before' picture
this is because I do not care to compare | contrast
Matt put it best when he said, "It looks like no one has lived here, for about 6 months."
yes. it was that bad

I also cannot take full credit for the process.
it was a solid 2-3 days of weeding +
the stone divider was my idea, and I even laid about half of it on my own.
Rhona (mother in law) is to thank for nearly all of the new flowers and grass(es)
four weeks later, (which have included some pretty warm days) and the garden lives on!*
*though there have been some plant casualties due to hungry deer and an over zealous puppy

28 July, 2012

| cat + mouse |

my heart is heavy... i miss home

"...softly we tremble tonight : picture perfect fading smiles, are all that's left in sight.
i said i would never leave; you'll never change
- i am  not satisfied with where i am at in life -
am i supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price."